Since the loss of Bode, I have been really trying to come up with the exact reason as to "why" my water broke so early. Maybe because I know women can in fact have a recurrent PROM (Pre-Mature Rupture of Membranes) and I do not want that to happen again. According to my doctors, mine was a fluke. But after months of reading numerous reasons as to what can cause ones water to break, I have thrown my hands in the air and come to the conclusion that I may never truly know the real "why" mine did? I didn't have any symptoms leading up to my rupture. NONE! I also may never know why I had to become an angel mama with so many others who have lost a child. That is a question I really wish I could know the answer to. Like right now. Sadly, I don't think anything in life works like that.
The truth is, life is messy. Things happen and we just have to deal. The reality of my situation is that PROM does happen in 3 percent of all pregnancies per year. And I am one of those 3 percent of pregnancies of 2014. Unfortunately I cannot change what happened. There most likely wasn't anything I could have done differently in my pregnancy to prevent it from happening. Obviously I am not a doctor and thankfully I do not have to be the one to solve all of my "problems" or potential ones.
So with all that said, I am continually striving to take life day by day. Hoping for good things to come and soaking in the fact that even though this past year has taken the toll on our happiness of becoming parents for the first time resulting in loss, it still was our "reality" and "experience," that ultimately made us parents. It was a year ago this month that I got my first positive pregnancy test. I couldn't believe it. Oh how thrilled, happy and nervous I was to become a mother for the first time. It was only short 6 mo. after that our Bode James who I am so incredibly proud to call mine forever was born. I am so grateful for that.
Now I wish with all my might I could see into my future and know that everything will turn out perfectly for a future pregnancy, but the reality is that there is no guarantee. However, I have hope and faith that it will and can. That is what I believe my Father in Heaven only asks of me. To have faith it will happen and hope for good things to come as I seek the help of trusting doctors on my journey of becoming a mother to more children in the future.
So for now I am taking my own advice and trying to embrace what life has in store for us instead of trying to control every situation that comes my way.
Now my last question is, what does this idea mean to you? I encourage you to ponder upon this question and this idea. I know I am not the only women or person who wants all the answers RIGHT now or wants to know 100% that everything will be okay in the end.
Hoping you all can find hope, faith and strength in your struggles, questions, fears and problems. I know we have the ability to be in control of some things in our lives, but the reality is we really aren't in control of everything that happens to us.
So for now,
Be Brave Dear One.
Hope you have a good week.
If you would like this print for your home, motivational wall or office space… Submit a comment with your name and email address.
It's a great reminder. I promise.