A "Rainbow Baby" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
To catch a "rainbow" after a storm feels very special. I imagine even more so when a family brings their rainbow baby home from the hospital at the end of the pregnancy journey. There are truly so many emotions that come with having another baby after a loss for both a mother and a father. Fear, nervousness, uneasiness, apprehension, heartache, panic, happiness and sadness are some that we have already experienced thus far into this pregnancy. However, we must be brave enough to move forward with these emotions along with all of the positive vibes we can muster and believe that in the end of this pregnancy, we will be filled with so much joy.
Essentially, the experience of it all, including the pain, fear and nervousness will all be worth it.
I’ll never get over the loss of our sweet Bode James. In fact, I must say that I’ve still been grieving continually since his loss and even more so when I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby that is in fact due the same day as Bode's original due date. However, I have been doing my best to push aside fear of losing as well as my grief, so I can take small moments throughout my day to bond with this new life growing inside me. It isn't always easy, and I do have sweet moments of both happiness and sadness all mixed into one, but I know for a fact that my guardian angel is watching over us both. That to me is very special. I am truly excited and very hopeful to leave the hospital this time with a sweet swaddled babe. I look forward to that newborn smell, he or she's first coo’s and smile. Ultimately, a living, healthy, breathing, growing, crying, messy baby. A child that will be so special to us. Another sweet baby that will always be irreplaceable, just like our Bode is.
I want to share my appreciation to all those who have supported me and my family the last almost eleven months since our loss. And even now with all the prayers, comments, texts, emails of happiness and hope for this new little one on its way. All your words and encouragement truly mean the world as it isn't the easiest to move forward after a tragic experience. We feel so blessed to have the support through this new "adventure," we are embarking on called pregnancy. Thank you again, We love you.